Nothing
by catsandanimenerd
Summary: Axel isn't real so these twinges in his chest where his heart should be aren't real either. OR: Roxas made Axel feel like he had a heart and I lost control of my life crying over these two dorks.


Axel looks down on the woman whose body is mangled, torn to shreds, whose chest cavity is open and gaping. Her legs are twisted, broken in an odd angle that isn't natural. There's a twinge of _something_ in his chest. a mockery of emotion, possibly revulsion, upon the sight. As usual, he brushes it off and smiles. He smiles because he can, because what else is he supposed to _do_?

Because he's a Nobody, less than a shadow of a person whose name might have been similar to his, and Nobodies don't _feel_ anything at all. They're not even empty shells-just _minds_ that walk around cajoling as a person without the heart that makes them human.

And Axel wonders how he still retains a personality as bright as a firecracker, if he doesn't have the emotion behind it.

* * *

Axel stares at the new recruit given to him, somehow unnerved by that blank stare. He brushes it off-the unnatural unease-because all of the others gave him that same stare when they were new. It's not strange at all, and yet, something within him twinges painfully. An echo of a faint memory, perhaps, upon seeing the recruit's face.

"This is Roxas," Saix tells him. Axel hums in acknowledgement, listening to Saix's explanation of his job. He gives the other Nobody-a shadow of Isa, his late best friend-an easy going smile.

 _It's tiring,_ Axel thinks, _to pretend._

 _His heart's just not into it._

* * *

Roxas slowly develops into his Somebody's personality-a constant reminder to Axel that he isn't actually _real_ , because no one goes from being a blank slate to a working, function person in such a short time. And he finds that the more he hangs around Roxas, the more his chest aches. It's painful, uncomfortable, yes, but not as unpleasant as he would have thought.

Axel ignores it and plasters his lazy smile on as he hands Roxas an ice cream bar.

* * *

Roxas is changing Axel, little by little. It isn't noticeable at first, but before long, everyone can see that Axel has changed. His smile is easier to manage, it comes more naturally to his face than that stiff, awkward one he always plasters on. His chest aches much more than it had before Roxas showed up but it's no longer painful to experience.

It's still a far cry from an actual, beating, bleeding _heart_ but it's a start, even if the thought frightens Axel.

* * *

"Do you know why the sun sets red?" he asks, impulsively, as he licks the sweet sea-salt ice cream. Of course Roxas doesn't know because why would he?

"No….," he says, trailing off. Axel snorts. He's expected that answer.

"It's because, out of all the colors in the rainbow, red's the one that travels the farthest," he replies, and there's that twinge in his chest again, making an appearance. This time, though, it's much more painful than usual. He pretends it's nothing. Roxas is _right there_ and he doesn't want to _worry_ the blonde.

As if he had the capacity to worry.

* * *

Recently, it's become hard to breathe properly for Axel. It's almost as if there was something in him- _like a heart?_ -that makes it harder for Axel to think properly. He doesn't have emotions, just echoes of once was that never fully develop.

But, then there's Roxas. Roxas who is-dare he think it-his best friend. Roxas who is vital to their insane master plan. Roxas who eats ice cream with Axel after missions, who talks about his day and listens to Axel. The very same Roxas who causes Axel pain but it's ok _because it's Roxas._

Axel wonders, after all this time, if he's sick, because he's torturing himself every time he talks to Roxas and not being with Roxas is torture itself, so he chooses the least painful path. But it's insane because he's not real and he feels _nothing_ , so why would it be torture?

* * *

Axel can feel the distance in the air the longer his missions become, the longer he's apart from Roxas. He doesn't understand why his chest is strangely silent when it's been aching for such a long time, since he first met Roxas in fact, and it frustrates him. It frustrates him to the point that he lashes out at Roxas and Xion. His words are cruel but he can't care. He's not real, he's a Nobody.

So why does he feel guilty, of all things, when everything's all said and done?

* * *

Roxas is planning to defy the Organization and Axel, for the first time in his strange not-existence, realizes that the twinges and pains in his chest are because of Roxas. It is such a startling revelation because Axel hasn't existed in well over ten years.

And yet, this strange Nobody has given him a _heart_. It's small and there isn't much to it, but it's there, beating in his chest to its own rhythm. It beats for Roxas and gives him a small taste of what it is like _to be_.

"Nobody would be sad if I left," Roxas says, along with an unspoken, _because they can't_. Axel swallows thickly, feeling his heart- _his heart!_ -ache terribly.

"I would," he replies weakly, but Roxas doesn't listen and he walks off.

With him, he takes Axel's heart.

* * *

The day he is assigned to track Roxas down is the day Axel's chest breaks in half and he embraces the void swirling inside where his heart would be if he had one.

And he returns to nothing, more fractured and broken than before.

* * *

 **So this totally started out as a drive for me to understand how Axel-who isn't supposed to feel-developed a heart and emotions. He's always been my favorite because he seemed the most human? I guess to me. Anyway, it's 2AM and I started this about an hour ago because idk. It kind of goes all over the place but I didn't want to make it too long or write for too long cause I don't wanna spend all my time sleeping later today. So yeah, take my trashy drabble fic. I cry about Axel once a week, so it's no wonder I wrote this.**


End file.
